Head, Heart and Balls
Celebrating maleness and masculinity 1
One of the most odious trends in society in recent years has been the demonization of men. Men are castigated for being men.
They are mocked in adverts which routinely portray men as stupid, with women getting one over on them.
They are shown on billboards and in adverts in a sexualized way that would never be acceptable if the object of the advert was a woman.
Men are the victims of job losses and divorce court settlements, they are seen as potential rapists and child molesters, and they blamed for most relationship problems.
We hear women criticizing men for "raping the planet", but we hear no defense of men for their creativity, their dynamism, their ability to get things done, their inventiveness.
We hear no defense of the young men who are forced to register for duty in the Armed Forces or be excluded from social welfare - try getting a driving license or social security in many American states if you don't want to register on your 18th Birthday as a potential military recruit.
We hear no pleas for the working man who has devoted his life to a company only to find it casts him aside in favor of cheaper labor in Asia.
We hear no cries of outrage at the feminization of the education system, the lack of male teachers, and the widespread inability to understand what boys need to be motivated in school.
In a system with so many female teachers, no wonder boys underperform.
And do these women make any effort to understand the young men in their care, for whose welfare they are responsible?
Not often, no. Usually they blame them - for being boys, and ironically enough, for being irresponsible.
That is the male problem: we are criticized just for being who and what we are from the day we are born.
Criticized mostly by women and by their allies, those feminized men who do nothing to help young men take their rightful place in society and achieve their full potential.
Of course, I'm not defending the obscenities of war and the military system or the rape of the planet.
I'm pointing out the unjustness of expecting young men to suffer trauma and agony in battle, then damning men for being war-like or cut off from their feelings.
And pointing out the iniquity of taking jobs off men who only want to work hard and provide for their families, then blaming them for not providing for their families or contributing to society of expecting them to adapt to what women want on every front.
Contrary to what society seems to portray, men are not naturally aggressive, or rapists, or drunken thugs.
That is not what masculinity is about, and to portray masculinity as being essentially those things is in itself an obscenity.
The truth is that men have lost sight of what it means to be a man in the face of an onslaught of feminism and the outspoken critics of masculinity of the last decade.
And while it's true we have some terrible examples of maleness in our political leadership, it's about time we men stood up and defended ourselves and said: "No, we will not adapt to what women want us to be any more. We will be masculine, true to ourselves and proud of it!"
And in case you are wondering, I think true masculinity resides in compassion, caring, strength, integrity, honesty, consistency of purpose, having a life purpose, a goal, protecting the family, raising decent boys and girls, adding something back to society, and having a spiritual awareness.
No doubt you could add your own list of qualities that sums up masculinity. The problem is we have lost our maleness. We gave it away to our mothers - and our fathers (who had probably lost their masculinity as well) never helped us to find it again.
Boys raised by single mothers really need a man around to show them how to be a man.
But then so do all boys - they cannot learn how to be a real man from their mother. They can only learn how to be a feminized male, an adapted man. Boys need to learn maleness from a man.
When men adapted - as they so often do - to what women said they wanted in the "New Man" era of the 1990's, it wasn't long before we discovered that actually women don't want a New Man at all. That softness, that adaptedness, is not what women want: they want real masculinity, and men need to give it to them.
We see a host of books like Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, all of which set out to illustrate the differences between the sexes and all of which seem to end up telling men that they are the ones who have to change to improve matters: that they are the ones who need to learn how women communicate, and speak their language.
Well, I'm here to tell you it's about time we said we've had enough of this!
And fortunately there are advocates on our side who will support us in recovering our masculinity and telling us what we actually need to know to become real men again.
Consciousness raising is not just for women - once you understand why you feel as you do (powerless, depressed, weak, unfulfilled, feminized or whatever) you'll never want to adapt to women again. And you know what?
The amazing thing is, women will really respect you and want to be around you. That, my friend, is what women want: a real man, consistent and true to himself, with integrity of purpose and able to take responsibility for himself and his actions.
These are the books you need to read, and the courses you need to take. Then you'll see things as they really are. And find yourself a good group of male friends to support you. You need it.
Click on any title to buy the book or find out more.
Iron John by Robert Bly The original men's consciousness raising book, forerunner of all men's work. Absolutely unmissable.
Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different-And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men- by Steve Biddulph, Paul StanishA superb exposition of why you need to treat boys in a way that suits them, and how and why this is different from the way you would treat girls. Boys are special creatures, and their special qualities need to be respected. They need things girls don't - especially they need to learn about self-discipline and respect for others. This is the one book you must have if you have a son.
The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell Think men are the victimizers? Think they run the world? Think they have any real power? Think again. Read this shocking, truly shocking book, and then judge for yourselves. The chapter about women in the Armed Forces is particularly enlightening.
Being A Man In A Woman's World by Denis Neder This is the only book I have come across which really tells you what you need to know about getting along with women without giving away your masculinity.
Why Men Don't Iron by Anne and Bill Moir Thank heavens for a cogent defense of masculinity and scientific proof of why men are men and women are women - and why they behave differently. And that it's OK to be male.
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