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Head, Heart and Balls The penis and the male orgasmMen, Masculinity and The Penis Home PageThe first thing to remember about male orgasms is that they are much more important to men than female orgasms are to women! As Alfred Kinsey wrote in the 1950's: "After the initial experience of ejaculation, practically all males become regular in their sexual activity. [A man] may change the sources of his sexual outlet, and his frequency may vary over the weeks and months, but there is almost never a complete cessation of sexual activity until such time as old age finally stops all response." We men do indeed develop a love affair with our penises once we have discovered what they are for! The next point, which women may not appreciate, is that men (well, the majority of men, anyway) want to have their orgasms and ejaculate when their penis is inside a woman. Sure, in the absence of a willing woman, masturbation will do, but most men think it is preferable to be allowed to ejaculate in a woman's mouth as she gives him oral sex, or - above all - to ejaculate in her vagina as she takes his deep penile thrusts. And of course many men also relish the idea of ejaculating after penetrating a woman's anus. This intense desire to orgasm and ejaculate inside a woman comes from generation upon generation of rampant males who reproduced because they had an urge to penetrate, thrust and ejaculate in that way. Once a man has achieved his objective of coming inside a woman, he may experience a feeling of fulfillment in a way that is difficult to explain (though I'd liken it to the fulfillment a woman can get after the birth of a child ): it's the fulfillment that comes from having done what we are biologically designed to do. This desire to ejaculate inside a woman is why oral sex is so popular: in a recent survey, 27% of men said that their most recent sexual encounter had involved oral sex. And over two thirds of men have received oral sex from a woman at some point in their sex lives. (Only two thirds?!) And most men say that when a man gets oral sex from his partner, she "should" swallow the semen. (Women, sadly, may not feel the same way.) Although men are obsessed with reaching orgasm, there is some awareness that it is possible to have loving sex without coming. In a recent survey of British sexual behavior, one third of men accepted that they could have enjoyable sex without an orgasm. This interests me, for my own experience when trying this has been that a great deal of self-restraint is needed not to succumb to the urge to thrust and ejaculate. It's true that sex in this way can be very fulfilling, but I think you have to move into a place where the exchange of energy with your partner becomes as satisfying as the energy release of orgasm and ejaculation, and I'm not sure that is a very easy thing to achieve. Still, the survey results do seem to show that men can relinquish their desire for orgasm at least on occasion. What I'd also like to know is how many of these men were experiencing delayed ejaculation, which reportedly affected up to ten percent of the male population - so a significant number of men with delayed ejaculation might be included in that 30% of men mentioned above who claim they can accept sex without ejaculation. Apart from both the satisfaction of feeling fulfilled as a male after thrusting and ejaculating in a woman's vagina and the feelings of intimacy and love which are associated with this, the satisfaction of orgasm and ejaculation comes from the physical sensations and experience of semen release and ejaculation. The first sensation, that of impending ejaculation, is caused by the release of semen into the base of the penis. The second sensation, the intense physical pleasure of the forcible pumping of semen out of the penis and into the vagina (or mouth or breasts or hand or whatever!) is a result of the contractions of the muscles of the penile shaft and base, and the muscles surrounding the anus and prostate gland. What exactly does it feel like? There's no way we can know if we all have the same experience, but the words men use to describe their orgasms are similar: they speak in terms of release and explosions and pumping - but when you think about it, the truth is that it's actually very hard indeed to get inside the orgasmic experience and describe exactly how it feels. Bearing in mind how important the male orgasm is to men, it's no surprise that a guy can feel shattered when it goes wrong. Whether that means not being able to get an erection, or coming too soon, or not being able to ejaculate, makes little difference - a man's self-esteem is linked to his ability to have sex and reach orgasm (and often to giving his partner an orgasm as well). There are pages on what to do if you have erectile dysfunction and can't get an erection here, and information on other male sexual dysfunctions is not hard to find. Before you start sex, have a clear idea of how long you want it to to last. Talk to your partner so that she knows you are trying to prolong sex. Agree with her that she will have her chance at an orgasm no matter what happens to you - and then spend plenty of time pleasuring her before you begin intercourse. Then, take intercourse slowly. Don't thrust, and ensure she doesn't thrust much either. Don't let her squeeze your cock with her vaginal muscles, especially if you're near orgasm. If you feel yourself getting to the point of no return, withdraw and allow your excitement to drop before you penetrate her again: do that as often as necessary. Don't thrust too hard yourself or you'll surely come quite quickly. And ask her not to use exciting words or pelvic thrusts ("Fuck me, oh yes, fuck me, fuck my hot wet cunt", for example, is one which always sets me off when I'm ready to spill) while you are learning to exercise greater control! How to improve the quality of your orgasms
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