Head, Heart and Balls

About maleness and masculinity

What is it that makes a man different from a woman?

Well, there's the obvious, of course - cock and balls, greater body size, more muscles, and so on...but that isn't really the answer. What really makes us different from women lies inside our minds and our brains.

I don't think anyone these days would fall for the line that we are all humans, and therefore we should be emphasizing our similarity. Yes, let's emphasize our humanity, but let's also cherish and honor the differences that make us masculine and feminine. (If you do believe that all significant differences in gender are socially conditioned, learned or constructed, and that conventional gender boundaries should be erased, you won't be interested in this page.)

It's the polarity of masculinity and femininity that leads to passion and excitement. If you're in a relationship with someone you see as a good friend, but with whom you have no polarity, there's not likely to be much passion. But what exactly does polarity mean? What defines masculinity and femininity? In biological terms, the difference in human behavior, thoughts, feelings and attitudes between male and female comes from the effect of testosterone on the brain of the male baby at two crucial points in its development in the womb. These two surges of testosterone make the male brain develop differently from the female brain. The differences are explained in detail in many good books, such as Why Men Don't Iron by Anne and Bill Moir, but you'll probably recognize some of the differences here:

Boys are more aggressive, more active, have a shorter attention span and are more competitive than girls. They are much less socially oriented and bond by "doing", rather than "being". They are much more spatially aware and less verbally aware. He is good with things - she is good with words. Her brain sees more, hears more, communicates better, and possesses more verbal resources. Men solve problems, women talk about them. Men find risk taking and problem solving to be stimulating, even necessary to their self-esteem. Men's brains can focus much more closely than women's. Men work well in teams and, though competitive, tend to respect each other. Women don't. And so on.

And of course the differences extend to sexual behavior in adulthood. Men are visually stimulated. Women are much less so. Men are quick to arouse, quick to come and quick to move their attention onto something else. Novelty and variety are sexual stimulants; monogamy may be a great sacrifice for a man - in terms of his freedom to do what comes naturally. A man does not want to be changed by his partner into something more like her; he does not want to be mollycoddled by her; he wants a partner in the true sense, a woman who makes him complete by allowing him to be himself and who respects his maleness. His job is to win her, to cherish her and to protect her, and, controversial though it may be, to stand up to her and remain true to himself. In other words, to dominate her - but in a safe, respectful way, a way that gives her a strong point of reference to bash against as the tides of her feminine emotions sweep back and forth from day to day.

And it's that centered quality which women look for in a man, by constantly testing him. A woman's test of a man can take many forms, but the most obvious example of it is the kind of needling provocation, the can't-let-go-of-this-behavior, the relentless pressing of an issue, that a woman will engage in. Most men respond to this by placating or reassuring her, a skill they pick up at the hands of their mothers, who, more often than not, react to the wildness of their young son by repressing his male energy and enthusiasm, trying, in effect, to feminize him, to make him more like her. Since a young boy needs his mother's love he often learns to adapt to her requirements, a skill which in all too many men continue to display into their adult relationships with women.

It's wrong that a man can only be a man in the company of other men. He needs to be true to himself all the time, for it is this true essence of his masculinity that his woman is really seeking when she tests him. In other words, he needs to be able to tell her, respectfully, how he feels and what he wants and needs from her - even if that is for her to stop doing something. In doing this, the more masculine his response, the more firm and centered he is, the better. That is what she is looking for.

But why does a woman test a man repeatedly? And what does she want? The answer to the second question is simple - she wants a man who will stand up to her without being blown off course. The answer to the first question is more complicated. One of the reasons she tests her man is a deep-seated fear that he will leave her, that he won't always be there for her. Subconsciously she reasons that if he can be knocked off course by her, then he can be knocked off course by any other woman - and there is good reason for this fear, of course, because men are naturally promiscuous, at least to a degree: fidelity is a choice.

You can read much more about masculinity and femininity here.

And you can take a brain masculinity/femininity test here.

The Mankind Project

If, like so many men, you missed out on the teachings that you needed to fulfill your potential, then this is the organization that can show you what it means to get in touch with your own masculinity, take full responsibility for your life and find your true purpose.